i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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