Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
