how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
