she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
