Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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