Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize