I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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