I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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