I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
