i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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