No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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