I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
