What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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