She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
