guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
