She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
