Ambien. No doubt about it.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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