I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
