I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
