Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
