Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
