I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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