I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It's rum buckets o'clock
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize