If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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