Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
