even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
