There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
A bitchslap is in order.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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