So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
