Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
