Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
