Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My balls are so social today.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
