Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
