yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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