I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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