I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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