You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize