she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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