do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
