dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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