lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I've blown a few things in my day
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
