I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
