I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
