if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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