Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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