It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
we're chasing vodka with high fives
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
