I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
