there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
i now understand why vodka
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
