I love black thongs
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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