she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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