I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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