You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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