Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
