hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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