I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
