It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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