so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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