I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize