i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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