I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I can't trust your balls anymore.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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