I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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