Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize