I wish I could teleport
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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