you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
