she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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