I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
