I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
