You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
