Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
