it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
