Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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