He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
