Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
