I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
