there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
