All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
